Differences between the British and Norwegians

En englesk tekst om forskjeller mellom den britiske kulturen og den norske.

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The last week has not been used to prepare for this exam, but I have thought about the assignment during the walk to school. When I thought about this assignment I discovered that this task is stupid. How on earth am I supposed to write for three hours about the similarities and the differences between Norwegians and the British? Firstly, there are no people in the whole world who are totally alike. Secondly, (assuming that my last sentence is correct) there is no average British nor Norwegian person. Due to the lack of information, I will mostly concentrate on the stereotypes of these people. You will also find me trying to write long and meaningless sentences, that way this task looks longer, but the content will not be jammed with information.


The Norwegian stereotype is quite disturbing. I cannot understand how the women of this country are able to give birth to children with skies on their feet. You would think that this would make the Norwegian women more careful when they have sex, but strangely enough Norwegian women are among the most birth giving women in Europe. I also cannot imagine who these skies grow in their stomachs. There must be a scientific explanation, but I have yet to find it.


All Norwegians are blond. What? I am not blond (I am starting to believe that these stereotypes don’t reflect the real Norwegians). I am not blond and I often see none blond Norwegians so I cannot understand why our stereotype is.


In my next paragraph I will write about the British stereotypes, but first I want to complain to you like an old man. This exam is dumb there are way too many people in Britain and now I am not able to figure out anything. There are around 60 million people (maybe more maybe less I am just guessing if I may tell the truth) in Britain. There is not one stereotype, but many of them. The Scottish, Irish and English, I have chosen to tell you about the English one.


British people drink lots of tea. Every day at 12 o’clock the British people drink tea. This is not a religious nor spiritual ritual or duty, but according to the British this is just for the pleasure. Well to tell you the truth I consider this a holy ritual and if you have read comics it is pretty obvious that they have been doing this for thousands of years. According to Asterix and Obelix the British stopped fighting their wars every day at 12 o’clock because of tea time. Tea is more important to the British than anything else; they would do anything to prevent a loss of tea. If you think this is funny, then think again. Many have died because of the British’s hunger for tea and even a war broke out once because of a lack of tea. During the late 1700 hundreds the Americans wanted to start a war against the British and they started it by tossing the tea in the ocean. This made the British forfeit instantly, they could not risk that there would be a lack of tea.


Another thing that is common about the British is that they love football and I mean real football not that stupid American football. They use their hands not their feet why on earth would they then call it football. As I said earlier there is about 60 million British persons on this earth, the majority live in England. If there are 60 million people in Britain there must be around 120 million football teams. That’s  how crazy they are about it. Well maybe not 120 million teams, but at least 110 million teams. I do understand them; I am also a huge fan of English football. I love it, but the English have taken this business to far. They spend half their money on going to football games and rich club owners use many billion kr every year on their team (I am not kidding, this is for real, not the amount of clubs, but the use of money).


Well now I have told you a little something about the British and the Norwegians. In conclusion of this I would like to compare them rather than telling about them. Norwegians are born with skies on their feet, while the British are born with tea cups in their hands. The Norwegians are blond, while the British probably don’t know what colour they have on their hair because they use to much time on watching football matches. That’s my stereotypes.


I have already told you a bit about their culture and their stereotypes (the common man) I don’t know anything about the politics of Britain so I am going to tell you about royalty. In Norway and Britain we have a royal family; centuries ago these families ruled the two countries, but not anymore. Today our kings and queens have as much power as a baked potato. The only thing they can do is live their lives in a castle without having to work or do anything. This is their lives in theory, but in the real world they have to travel around and to all kinds of boring stuff. I really do feel sorry for them.


The differences between the royal families are not many (this means that I don’t know many differences). The Norwegian head of the royal family is a king who has just become 70 years old. The British have a queen who probably is the same age (just guessing here). She lives in Birmingham which is not the capital. The Norwegian king lives in Oslo. I probably don’t have to tell you that Oslo is the capital of Norway and that the king lives there, but I will do it anyway. Oslo is the capital of Norway and our king lives there. That is one difference. Another difference is the size of their homes. The castle which the queen of England lives in is called Buckingham Palace; this is one of the most spectacular homes in the whole world. The Norwegian king must be very jealous of this home. The Norwegian king has two children, despite the fact that I don’t have a clue of how many sons or daughters the English queen has I claim that this is a difference.


Which of these countries would I prefer? The first thing I am going to do is give myself a deeper understanding of the question. Would I rather be a part of women who give birth to children with cups or skies, would I rater prefer ignorance caused by football or blondness and what would I prefer, would I rather have a jealous king or a spoiled queen?  I think I would go for Norway not because of any of the things I have mentioned in my last question (this makes of course my last question insignificant), but because of Norway’s great amount of money.


Every article with a little self-respect has an ending or a conclusion. Due to the awesomeness of this author (me) this one will have a more epic ending than Star wars 5. Well now as you may have noticed this article is coming to an end. I haven’t learned anything and this report will definitely send me to hell.  If you have read all of this text you must feel pretty dumb. You have now used a lot of your time reading my nonsense and my way of never getting to any point at all. This is an excellent way of making my text look longer. In the very beginning of my text I wrote that you would probably find my writing  long and meaningless. I have found my text long and meaningless (mission accomplished). You can try to find one sentence which contains facts and such. You will not find it. In the end this text became a pile of stupidity, ignorance and nonsense. I should probably not say this, but as I already have said 8 times; I want this text to be long. It became long.

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