I don't want to know

Have you ever wondered how your future looks like in 15 years. Here I answer this question.

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I know how my future looks like, I’ll be dead. One day, we will all be dead. What is the point of wondering how your future will be, we all die. I can’t remember a time when I wanted to live forever, actually I can’t remember a time where I wanted to die of age either. I can’t remember a time when I wanted to have a very long life. Maybe that’s because I’ve always known that life sucks, there will never be justice, nobody will ever be worth the same in everybody’s eyes, you will always be judged because of how you look like and what you say. That’s just how the human brain works, we judge people because of what they look like. I’m so sick of people saying they never judge others because of their looks or opinions. Death will be a liberation from this world filled with hypocrites.


Maybe you think that I’m just a little depressed or angry while I’m writing this, or maybe I’m a pessimist, or even suicidal. Maybe I’m all of that, but you just proved my point. You are judging me for my opinion on this, maybe you weren’t even aware of it. You see, while you read this, your brain will automatically make an impression of me, on how you think I’m like and how you think I look like. You will most likely never think about it, but you have judged me based on my opinion.


In the laws it says that I have the right to say whatever I want, but I can’t. If I say that I support Hitler’s philosophy, you will either start thinking bad about me or you will agree. If you don’t agree you will either start a fight with me because you think it will make me change my mind or you will respect me for my opinion. Nobody will respect me for that opinion. Now, tell me again how you don’t judge me because of my opinions?


I have made a big personal decision in my life; I want to donate my organs when I die. If that is not a big decision I don’t know what is. I actually have a donor card I my wallet. I’m going to die, I know that for sure. So why not make my death mean something. I would die in peace knowing that I have saved lives. If I die in an accident because I tried to save somebody, and succeeded, I would not regret it. Of course I’ll be dead, so I can’t regret anything. I would rather die right now, than live forever.


The consequences of this choice are many, but the one that I choose to focus on is this; I can save the life of many people that want this more than me. I bet there are lots of people out there who want to live a long and happy life, I don’t. So should I be selfish and say that I don’t want to give them something they need, because they never gave me anything…?


I bet you would accept an organ if you needed it to keep on living, but I ask you this; would you give away your organs for the same purpose?  Henrietta Lacks let herself live forever in the name of science, so why can’t I let somebody else live longer by my death? I mean, I can save lives. I don’t want to be kept alive by machines, I don’t want to suffer a long and tragic death. I want it to have meaning for other people beside my family.


Maybe this is not the paper you expected, or the answer you wanted, but this is what you get. Take it or leave it. Like every other person in this world, I wonder how my life will look like in 15-20 years. But unlike others, I don’t want to know now what happens in my life. So I don’t want to speculate too much, I’d rather focus on the thing I know will happen. Maybe I’m a writer, maybe I’m a salesman, or maybe I’m a politician in 15 years. I know I want to smile at my husband, and kiss my kids goodnight. But how can I know I will get married or even have kids? The only thing I know for sure is that one day I’ll be dead, and I truly want my death to mean something.

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