They walked down the street. She and her so-called boyfriend. They walked and walked, with no target to reach. She was completely lost, her thoughts were wandering around in her head thinking of that guy whose eyes were watching her. She will never forget those eyes, unfortunately she had a boyfriend already. She would give her left arm to see those eyes again, but it would never happen. She knew that, and was sorry. So sorry. Her boyfriend started to wonder. He wondered why she was so quiet, she used to be fairly loud and outgoing but now she had changed. He asked her over and over again, but he always got the same answer; “I have not changed, you are the one who has changed!” She got a bit angry and he had to take the answers as they came. She got more and more secretive. Not knowing that beautiful guy with the most perfect eyes was living quite near her. She almost forgot him, trying to work it out with her boyfriend, but the he showed up. It was one of those days when they were playing paintball, and having such a great fun. She thought of him all the time, did not shoot him even if she had the chance. She just smiled at him, and he smiled back. His eyes were green, with some brown spots in. Beautiful. The game was over, they went back to their homes and everything was like normal. Almost everything. She took a shower, put on her makeup and got dressed.

She was alone, completely alone. Her boyfriend was very nice, but she was tired. Tired of him, of everybody. Tired of the world. She spent a lot of time together with him, but the happiness was gone. They lived on with their lives together. The relationship between them officiated well, and they got more and more in love. She and her boyfriend. They were happy, doing stuff together. Life was such a great thing. She enjoyed being with him; they laughed and cried together, lived together. In the weekends they had parties, went to parties, and got drunk. It was fun, apart from the days after. The alcohol dried out the body, and they got tired. Especially on Sundays. But Sundays were great in a way, they rented a movie, ate junk food and relaxed.

She was drunk. The day it started. She was at a party together with her boyfriend, had such a great time, and enjoyed the alcohol running through her veins. She felt infected. Infected by love, an illegal kind of love. Her boyfriend was outside, smoking his cigarette. She was sitting in the sofa, together with a whole bunch of drunk people. She drank vodka & lime. Her all-time favorite. The clock got 2.30 a.m., and her boyfriend went home. She stayed. Went outside on the porch to take a cigarette, and there he was. The most beautiful boy, ever. He smoked, and drank. Vodka & lime. She was amused by the moment. There he sat, looking at her with that “get me” look. She smiled back, wondering if she should say something. There was silence, except for some people inside, and the music. But in her ears the sound became silence, caught by the moment she was waking up sitting in a chair beside him. Only a table separated them. He smoked her brand, the Marlboro Light 100’s. The clock turned 3 a.m. They started talking, about everything. About boyfriends and girlfriends, jealousy, friendship and drinking. The last topic they mentioned was sex, how good or how bad it could be to get laid. Most of the conversation turned out to be a life, a created life though.

They decided to take a taxi downtown. To a friend of his. They were going to a really cool but played-up follow-on party. The taxi came, and they drove away from the place where they both had grown up. They came to town, got in and got more to drink. Sheridan’s coffee layered liqueur this time, there was no more vodka & lime left. But Sheridan’s was ok. A little bit too sweet, but they drank anyway. For the first time they kissed. Both of them had a boy-, girlfriend, but they did not seem to care about that at the moment. The girl they were at seemed a bit surprised, but she was not totally faithful she either so she did not mind. At the time of 4.30 a.m. they ate pizza. “Pizza Originale” topped with pepperoni and black olives. They ate pizza and drank. Now when they were finished with Sheridan’s they started at the bottle of Jägermeister. It tasted better, even if they were so drunk they had to close one eye not to see two of a kind. She shivered from pain, and he told her to cry if she wanted to, he would console her. But she did not want to cry, she was both angry and sad at the same time. The pain came from inside, and she should stand against it this time.

At 6 a.m. they walked out the door, planning to get home. Get some sleep and get sober. But when they reached the bus station they kissed again. A hot, deep kiss, with lots of emotions. They walked to the cash dispenser and he took out some money. Then they started to kiss again. That was the beginning of an unlawful and secret relationship. They stood in front of the cash dispenser and kissed, deep and intensively. They changed their plans, instead of going home, they took a taxi to a hotel. She had never believed that she would sleep in a hotel in her own hometown. But now she did. They checked in, and went up to the room. She had fallen in love, but she knew she was unfaithful. She did not care about that, she was just happy. Living in the moment. They stripped each others clothes’ off, and laid down on the double bed. They were both naked, and enjoyed the sight of each other. She touched his soft skin and beautiful face. He played with her hair, and touched her skin. He told her it was like silk, or even softer. She was happy, and moved closer to him. They kissed those deep, intensively, hot kisses. Touch each others body, made love and felt asleep some hours later. After talking and kissing. Touching and smoking.

The morning after they woke up and found each other. Again they kissed, and after quite a while they got up. The time was 11 a.m. and they walked out to a sunny Sunday. The weather was beautiful, yet cold. They walked hand in hand down the streets of Tulsa. It was a night they never would forget, the night where everything was perfect. The “click” between them was perfect. They were at the right place to the right time. They felt in love with each others eyes, and body. The beautiful sight of each other made them melt inside.

After some weeks they are still in touch. They are thinking of each other every day, sending messages and talking on the phone. Missing each other every day, trying to make things happen without being revealed. And things have worked out so far. They are happy with things as they are, and have no plans of changing the situation. The “click” is still there, and they are loving it.

I guess what I wanted was to hear
you’d stay with me always.
I guess what I wanted was to see
those hands vowing never to leave my own.
I guess what I wanted to know was
I am not loving in vain.

-Jewel Kilcher